there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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