just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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