I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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