Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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