she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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