Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
