Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
