I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
