Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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