C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
