So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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