I am puke
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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