she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dignity is for republicans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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