When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
