sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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