She is in my trunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
