If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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