Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
