She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
