her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
