my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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