i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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