she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
