just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
