i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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