a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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