it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
