when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love having hate sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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