Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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