last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
