i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my sisters under your porch take her home
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
