I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize