I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I forget how to act sober
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
