do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
