it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
