My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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