absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
