I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
