So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize