and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
