I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
