I accidentally burped into my bong.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
