i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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