So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
