Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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