i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
