there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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