So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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