i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
