Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
