I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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