I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My bed smells like the plague
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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