This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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