what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
