So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
