After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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