when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
