My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
