did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
