my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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