Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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