I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
