Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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